Is there a question I should respond to here? Or would you just like general impressions?
The plot seems functional, sort of like Star Wars with an urban twist. I think the names are still a bit extravagant, but you’ve mentioned that those are set in stone, so let’s try to improve what we can. Hmm. When you write your proposal, you should indicate who you think the book will appeal to and why. Give a few reasons to help the businessman reading your proposal understand why your book will be financially successful. Ideally you’ll draw on comparable examples of comic books that have succeeded in the past few years.
If I were trying to sell your story to a business, I might look at series like Star Wars (10-20 year-olds love sci-fi action), Spiderman (kids love young, poor protagonists) and Green Lantern (your hero and he share vaguely similar powers and both stories are space operas).
I was down on the coast this weekend. I was approached by a woman who asked me to come by her home. And I went by and she showed me documents that indicated that her illiterate mother, who had a son in jail, had gone to the County Surveyor in that region and had borrowed 225 dollars to get her son out of prison. She had a letter from the Justice of the Peace that showed that her mother had made a mark on a blank sheet of paper. They paid off the 225 dollars and she has the receipts to show it. And then they started a five year program trying to get back the paper she signed, without success. They went to court. And the lawyer that had originally advised her to sign the paper showed up as the attorney for the surveyor. She had put up 50 — 50 acres of land near the county seat as security. And when she got to court she found that instead of signing a security deed that she had signed a warranty deed. That case has already been appealed to the Supreme Court and she lost.